take some honey...

I The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea In a beautiful pea green boat, They took some honey, and plenty of money, Wrapped up in a five pound note. The Owl looked up to the stars above, And sang to a small guitar, ‘O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love, What a beautiful Pussy you are, You are, You are! What a beautiful Pussy you are!’ II Pussy said to the Owl, ‘You elegant fowl! How charmingly sweet you sing! O let us be married! too long we have tarried: But what shall we do for a ring?’ They sailed away, for a year and a day, To the land where the Bong-tree grows And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood With a ring at the end of his nose, His nose, His nose, With a ring at the end of his nose. III ‘Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling Your ring?’ Said the Piggy, ‘I will.’ So they took it away, and were married next day By the Turkey who lives on the hill. They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible spoon; And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, They danced by the light of the moon, The moon, The moon, They danced by the light of the moon.

thats a humdinger.

Urban Dictionary is the dirty girls ultimate guide to vocabulary. I visit on the regular just to keep up with what the nasty little fuckers on the streets are saying. most start out simple, the common mesh of two words. the word of the day: EX:FARTICLE.guess... The microscopic, airborne particles of fecal matter that are released by the anus during a fart. GROSS! I inhaled your farticles!

Then a "friend" and i were talking about that song Whistle. " is he saying he likes it when girls try to whistle while oral? so we try whistling with our mouths gaping. Then i remembered about giving "a hummer". I knew id heard that sometime before in a 60's game show repeat, the laugh track played ...but I DONT GET IT. as Oprah says, i had an "aha moment". As Oprah also says, "My vajay jays paininnnn." not relevant. A Hummer (UD Def.): More than a blowjob; it's when a girl actually hums (thus vibrating her lips) when her mouth has encased your engorged penis or balls. Your mom gives great hummers. So that brings on the question, what song would you hum with a dick in your mouth? a question id never thought i had to ask or answer. Karinas immediate answer: the Barney song Annelise: twinkle twinkle little star me: i believe in a thing called love. Think of all those long high notes! Im actually going to throw this HUMDINGER into casual conversations and see if i can find some authentic, no bull shit friends. I will NOT take "Ew" as an answer.

nightlights

Karina and i took to the city, as was our old sexy giant routine; to stand tall and strut. When you're walking with a 6'4 chick you tend to stand up a little straighter... We went to the Silver Clouds Karaoke Bar in the Marina and it was desolate, except for a large asian family eating dinner behind the stage. With no audience i had guts of gold and glory. We went up there no shame singing duets like "aint no mountain high enough" to her " ill always love you" by miss Houston which blew me away....After a cranked out my Cher impression "believe", i thought i had the pipes of a gilded cherub. I'm KILLING IT AT THIS KARAOKE SHIT! THROW ME ANOTHER! ......."my name is..." What?" slim shady. I'm ready, mean muggin and all and then the chorus goes and i realize i don't know the words at all and thought it was another song. I can feel ALL 7 people in the buildings eyes watching me giggle nervously and sweat until i can just get back to that fucking chorus "my name is WHAT?"lean,"WHO?" lean, "sick sick slim shaddddyyyyy". Alteast its over in3 minutes, then I'm singing "it wasn't me" Then i finish it with a grand finale of gang signs and fart on the mic. not really. I never saw the draw to sing old songs poorly in front of strangers, but it gives you such a thrill when you hit that note just like MIA in Lady Marmalade. shivahs down my spayne gurl.

Then the next night i went to Underdogs for $1 margaritas for 30 minutes and met Jenny my old roommate there. Ran into some girls from the dorms freshman year then went to get burgers at Barneys in the Castro. Then we stopped by Marengo where Jenny works and drank some "Foggy roses", whiskey muddled with strawberries, mint, and cucumber and garnished with a cherry soaked in brandy. Beautiful, but tasted like dirt. Then we went downstairs to Bar None where I bought a round of my poison.. TEQUILA!!!

Another night Ximena and i trekked to DNA Lounge for Mash up night. It was SICK!We walked in, realized we were not drunk enough to dance as hard as we wanted to so we did split a bottle of vodka in the alley. ready to go! Met a tall guy,had a great night. danced like its all I've ever been asked to do. All under the command of a red-dreaded tranny in a leather speedo. ahhh this city ;)

90s Night at HiFI Lounge was a hit. 90cent drinks for 90 minutes with the fashion and the music, if you could call it fashion...I feel like the most outstanding 90s things were the cartoons and the spice girls. So i just wore my concert tee circa '98 with some ripped blue jeans and sex hair. 90 cent drinks are a god send, but when you have a time limit its gets hysterical. We met karina at the silver cloud with her mom and sang MORE karaoke!

sang me sum mambo #5 with the girls in the real spirit of the 90s. Ximena was being a sneaky drunk skunk and kept running back to the kitchen, stealing crab dumplings from the fridge and then running back out again. like the college robin hood she brought back onions, tabasco, and handfuls of dumplings to the sloshed peasants. DUN DUH NUH! then we booked it for the bus and a long walk home. you know you've had a good night when you wake up with an onion in your pocket. said no one ever. UNTIL NOW.

San Francisco

mmkay mmmkay I'm back in the bay... can i get a HEY? today, today!So I've been here since September 2nd and Ive already had ultimate highs and lows. I realized i was going to be homesick but not to the point where the second i hear anyones voice from home my eyes let down the floodgates. Means i care i guess... The trip up to SF was a little cramped.

My mom, grandma and I drove to Pepperdine to watch Rachel play a 2 day Volleyball tournament. We stayed at my grandmas sisters house and she fed us like she wanted a blue ribbon at the county fair. Baked peach pancakes, chicken parmesan,home grown tomato balsamic salad, fresh ceviche... god dayum i should have left a tip! Eleanor (my grandma) is batshit crazy. We were talking about 50 shades of grey at the dinner table and she says "I'm a country girl, we didn't need to read books about sex, I've seen 50 shades of pigs! thats how i learned!",and then continued to talk about how shed help her dad castrate the pigs and they'd eat the balls. so if you ever came at me with the insult,"your grandma eats PIG BALLS!"... completely accurate, but get da fuck out ma face. The Pepperdine VS University of Arizona game was a nail biter. Pep won the first 2, U of A the next 2. Micaela was on the students side so i went to sit next to her.... bad idea. every time each made a block (at least 30 were made, that little brick wall:)

i stood up and screamed in my raspy ass voice"GET ER DONE!" or "KILL EM". the evil eyes i got did NOT go unnoticed. then some guy yelled at the team , "GO BACK TO ARIZONA" and i snarkishly replied, SHUT UP. then went back to the visitors side and watched them play their hearts out only to lose by 3. shit. Got to say good bye and got a very intimidating team poster. I love that girl to pieces, not like i could ever break that muscled model. Mom and i take the trip to SF just us two with everything I've ever loved in the back of that tin can golden love van with 10 CDs and a cooler of diet coke and apples. We start off slow and easy, a little Shania Twain through the 101, then some sheryl crow on santa monica blvd. because she's the essence of roadtrippin music. The 3rd CD i toss in the Rocky Horror soundtrack... Realized my moms fucking dope. We were singing every word, doing every accent AND I'm positive shed look identical to Dr.Frankenfurter if shed just get a corset and learn how to walk in pumps. Then maybe she can make me a boyfriend, in just 7 days!

We get to the house and its gorgeous! Located directly across from Golden Gate Park and a 5 minute stroll to Haight, well, its more than ideal and i thank my lucky stars(AKA sonya and Jessica) that I'm not in a shoebox on the outskirts of the city. tall roofs, dark wood trim, i got a window! awwwwwwwyeeaaaaaahhhh. after we moved everything in we ordered pizza,got groceries, and sat around until our eyelids gave up on us. My mom came in in the morning to say good bye and we had the usual cryfest as i watched her walk down the stairs and disappear until the next time. Sonyas work was having a BBQ at the park that afternoon so we baked a blackberry apple pie, cookies,fresh salsa, and a greek salad. We played beer bottle frisbee golf and stuffed our faces FAT. Then went home and took thanksgiving naps.THEN KARINA CAME BY! sexy giants reunited! she hitched a ride, sat on my roof and talked about love, then colored fuzzy posters, watched the Dictator, (id give it 2 thumbs Aladeen) then passed OUT. Magical! I wake up to an empty house. cool right? i get to dance around in my underwear while i unpack a little more complete bliss. Then I start to think who can i call to hang out? i felt like in PB there was always someone there, everyone has jobs and school ALL DAY. i went from having such a frequent buzz of people in the heat wave in SD, to below 60 and silence. Just something i need to get used to until i get a job. When Sonya gets back from work we go to ikea for pillows and meatballs. Then we go to ximenas house and laughed until it hurt. A bit of normalcy, made it feel like home again. :)

lazzzzer beamsss

I went with Ximena, charlee and chelsea and because we are fine ass ladies AND we know a couple guys who work there we got to cut the round-the-corner line to play the most epic game of my life.It helped a lot that none of the asian kids who shoot you from angles in the mirrors were there, it was like everyone elses first time they couldnt even find the bases, it was pitiful. they should have just popped a squat in the middle of the arena and yelled GAMEMASTER because they got murdereeeeed. Getting 1st place in blazertag is the biggest achievement of my life so far! Its all about hitting the alien and the sentinels... and being a fucking ninja.

Dayummmm Elektra, you shocked em. :0

Pepperdine Roadtrip

The Cervantes sisters and the Rhoades sisters combined their awesomeness and took a roadtrip up to Pepperdine to see where Mix is going to school next fall. I love long car rides... if im not driving. and i wasnt. We all made our own mixed cds and played 20 questions (if you want good ones use a match or a garage) and tried to spot famous people in their cars through LA traffic. The school is beautiful but 3 things stand out 1)jesus errwhere 2) A LOT of hills 3) zoey 101 was filmed here! THATS TRUE MY FRIENDS! i got to pretend i was at PCA. wow check that off my bucket list. The whole campus has a view of the ocean and the cafeteria has a patio where you can eat outside. am i talking about eating already? Theres also deer that are just roaming and a chapel with amazing stained glass. You could tell micaela was really excited that she was soon going to be part of all of this campus and that shes going to be a shining athlete like rachel and unlike me and Ximena, who i learned are also known as "normies". Thats better than a lot of other names. Found a sad balloon, took it on a walk, sooomebody got jealous and hopped up and down on it until he stretched to his last breath, making its life story even more deplorable.



After that we walked back to the car and on Mickis soon to be soccer field which ALSO has a full view of the ocean. Jesus has a great realtor.

Then to Santa Monica Pier.

3 things 1)everyone is ugly there except for us so we were getting gawked at while we gawked at the fuggers and their fug babies. too harsh? 2)rollercoasters built on wood in water seems like a real bad idea 3) ITS LIKE FROM ROCKET POWER woogedy woogedy. First thing we see is this giant noodle so ofcourse we had to take some tasteful noods. AHAHA


We walked to the end, spit off of it, people watched, then went to the arcade. On one of those video movie games where theres a bench inside rachel went up behind them all stealthy, blew on the back of their necks and ran away peeing. she was charkin HARD. This girl looked behind her so scared and rach was already out the door haha. then we rode a baby carousel and mounted random statues, like every tourist should.




THEEEEEN we ate some dank food at the mall and drove down to Venice Beach and i learned... they actually have canals! like VENICE! was that supposed to be obvious because id never heard about it before. Every house has a canoe tethered to their back porch and the bridges connecting the neighborhood were all lit up in christmas lights with different themes and all i coulld think of is " damn i wish i trickortreated here". it was the coolest place but it seemed so foriegn. We got coffee then played truth or dare the entire way home and learned too much about everyone :)


Now i cant wait until the roadtrip to University of Arizona! except instead of Zoey 101 people just get shot there.



Update: REVENGE OF THE NERDS! (1984) get it Mr. Maguire!

Its a mutha fuckin paaarrrraaade

Went to the PB christmas Parade with chelsea and frisky driskell to support my community and get free stuff. Chelseas the kind of person who does cartwheels randomly so I have to always warn her theres a car. She believes the savest place to stand is in the middle of the street. Same with all these kids at the parade. What a tragic death!We talked about if the opening parade marshall was a bull dozzer covered in tinsel that threw out candy for little kids and they all just got flattened in the middle of the street.Would you stop the parade? i feel like thats exactly when you need a parade after youve seen something that heavy! lighten the mood with some.... cat clubs and ghetto hydrolics? that was new this year. We saw a Cadillac that’s name was "statutory grape" which reminded me of this video We also talked about how Tire stores should turn into dance clubs at night. It just makes sense. can you imagine the raves you could throw in costco if all the shelves were on wheels? can you imagine the tricks you could do on your razor scooter? you got chills didnt you? ill talk to someone about making that happen. Weve been sitting on the mcdonalds wall for 2 hours and i turn around and my dads been sitting behind us scratching lotto tickets for the last hour. wtf so we go eat gelato and then go sit on the pipe at the beach and watch the sunset. later chelsea and i ride bikes down the boardwalk with a boombox dancing (chelsea the circus act is balancing the boombox and shaking her ass riding with no hands btw) to the Wavehouse and then we ride the big dipper with our boombox and love it. a wild ending to a wild day.

Dawson Gingerbread

A serious labor of love and a tradition that im really proud of, obviously because my decorating skills are top notch. I thought it was something that ran in the family but then I watched my guy cousins attempt to frost cookies and they just broke the arms and legs off a gingerbread man and made it Mr. hankie the Christmas poo ( ok I just thought that over and its still really cool, but my point is I could still ice a better xmas poo.) Thats one of my biggest pet peeves is when kids cant decorate cookies and still try to. when theyre 5 and they substitute frosting for spit and booger sprinkles, and no area has gone untouched or unlicked.




Since weve been doing this tradition since birth, rach and i can really predictable in her methods and what aggravates her throughout the the process and we get yelled at plenty...

“NOT TOO thick!” when rolling out the dough and then she puts her eyes down at table level and taps the areas we need to roll out.

If you don’t start to cookie cut from the edges and plop a cutter in the middle she gives you the overtheglasses stare.

“we don’t need red icing! Itll look pink and stupid!”

"Yuuup, that’s an eater"

Says "DRAGEEEES" in a low long drawn out French accent.

"What are you going to do with that many Californias? it looks like a sock!"

the dough holes from the wreath... She will never understand why we like them.

But most of all she does some really great piping herself, I mean I cant pick on her too much because she taught me all her tricks. Shes just tickled that the family tradition wont die, even rachels good at it now.sprinkle bomber.

http://i199.photobucket.com/albums/aa122/superleader/inki/party.gif

Christmas in Jurrasic Park

I went with anna to Christmas in the prado, we were so set with wine in a thermos and cute peacoats. We walked forever and saw little lights but a lot of people, couples all around the nativity scene, baby mexicans playing with light sabers in the trees,and us drinking wine by a bush.We walked around the Prado restaurant and i was in awe of the ballroom, so beautiful. Later We walked to an art show and met some of annelises friends there. Her friend ross and some of his friends found some empty bottles that we went to go throw in the alley, which i want to be my new past time by the way. The art show shared a lot with these abandon houses so we jumped the fence to go investigate. we found a piano that had played its last song so I kept a key and ross gave me the doorknob, which we then put in the middle of the street and got excited every time a car would hit it and wed hear the rattle of it bouncing toward the curb. Simple pleasures. We went back into the art show and this psychadelic/dreamlike/indie band was on and I couldn’t take my eyes off the drummer. It was one of those things where when I looked at him I got a flash of our life and it was bizarre. I tried to find him after the set but he was gone and we had to leave so I just confessed my love in the guestbook and left my phone number, like a real life missed connection. I gave the doorknob to this kid Allister who really seemed to appreciate dented heavy scrap metal, then somehow we got to chad Michael murrays twins house where he shaved off annelises hair.
Then to another house where i watch people play nintendo 64 and actually start counting the freckles on my arm.

DUMBLEDORE..... is dead.

I have been waiting so long for the Harry Potter premiere that after it had happened i had nothing else to look forward to for the rest of my existence, except for maybe Part 2 and my funeral. Before we got to the theater we tried the new Five Guys burger place and the only good thing was the free peanuts( i think we were allowed to throw the shells on the ground so i did this violently and a little asian employee ran over real fast and sweeped them up, making me feel like a guilty pig.)the burgers were good, but the signs saying "#1 in the country" were presumptuious and im pretty sure theyd never had innout because all the comments were NOT from california. We go to the theater to wait in line at 7 and luckily some of rachels friends were already in line so we met up with them. then it was time to ENERGIZE! we drank redbull, redbull shots, monsters, rockstars, batteryacid, and 5 hour energy to stay up for the movie.WHY? i can easily stay up until 3 everyother night without liquid adrenaline but i tried it and was shaky/spastic and had to pee every 15 minutes.We ran around the line and did wand battles and there was actually a real duel where people lined up dressed in slytherin on one side and gryfindor on the other and would one by one duel with spells and then act it out. there was also a guy that was identical to voldemort. By the time the movie started i was shaky and had to pee every 10 minutes.when youve been waiting for a movie for 5 hours.. scratch that, 5 years, and then when its about to come on the screen and you have to go pee its the worst feeling ever. i felt somewhat better that other people were about to piss their pants too but I was stuck in the middle of the row! agh i hate being that person shuffling by and rubbing my ass in your face while youre trying to watch a movie. Harry potter part 1 was everything i wanted it to be, but there were some funky parts. i didnt know the black smoke from fern gully was gonna bust out of the locket with a dewy naked hermione. Dobby had some great one liners. When we went home i couldnt sleep so i just read the whole second half of the book again. it was a lot of fun, now we just have to wait for part 2.............

!

Martha's B-Day 10-09-1985 from New Picture Agencies on Vimeo.

Jennifer Lopez - If You Had My Love

thoughts

you really should create a completely unique chain of moves and sounds everyday to give your life a little spontinaety( garden state?)2nd grade timmy fron arkansas did that move in 2003. youre not original.

when you try to be so quiet and youve finally laid in your bed and a pen drops and it sounds like an atomic bomb. and you think your parents are listening to you with their ear on the door listening to your every cough,the smell of your room and whats in your purse and pockets. they dont really care. and their hearings going.

think of the people who originally built the house and how it was their dream home. thats why its so cool if houses are passed dow from generation so their lineage gets to experience their past generations dream or strive to achieve a higher goal.

i love pizzzzzzaasasdsdsADS[OHIGOH[IEGOJVJ]Ua


i just added those random letters so you can imaging me going mad ape shit on the keyboard.and just so you(YOU) know i actually DID do that so what your imagining is the truth. straight up. SOMETIMES I USE MY GHETTOoops slang around blaack people and i tell racist jokes but forget im surrounded my black kids. i think they should have a reality show where someone yells racsit jokes while theirsurrounded by said race. they have to be horrible and extremely tasteless so theres a big dramatic reaction. ex " did you know there are black people in our family tree?"

really?"
"yeah theyve been hanging there for years."

and you just see what happens.
ideas from the mind of a genius.
yeah, walk away.

pizza.
so dense. :)

I hella left my heart there

These past weeks ive had some really great calls and skypes from all my friends from San Francisco. Its weird, sometimes i forget how easy it is to make friends. Im glad I picked the right ones! Miss the SHIT out of you guys and ill be visiting soon :)God you guys are amazing. You have filled my awkward/hilarious/favorite spaces of my memory to the brim. haha oh you crazy fucks.....

Bug Juice

I get to school about 5 minutes late and walk into my art class a couple minutes late and some random lady in a muumuu is standing on the table. i get my easel and sit down and look up and she is taking her underwear off and the muumuu goes flying! I had forgotten that we were done with portraits and moving on to live models so my sleep daze had now turned into full alertness with this naked woman in front of me.It didn't scare me but the surprise of it sure as hell woke me up. Its interesting how nudity completely changes form when its in the name of "ART". Why do people think its so weird/disgusting? Not saying that i would do it(they make bank though, $50 per hour)but it really bothered me when the model took a break and everyone was saying they were shaking because they were nervous or uncomfortable sketching a naked person.getovahit. We actually had two dayswith 2 different models and i actually preferred sketching the chubbier one because she gives you more lines in her skin, and the skinny one wore really tacky jewelry.anyways...



Rachels volleyball banquet was after class and as team captain she gave out gag awards to all her teammates. It was my job to collect a jar full of rollie pollie bugs for Nayeli since she does those cool rolls on the court. I was ok with this job, until i realized that the stupid bugs migrated out of pb or something so it became an all out bug hunt. My dad and i went to his moms house and she had already started turning over every rock she could.Found 3.As a kid i felt like i could find hundreds in our garden! the hunt got scary a couple times when i got slugs and spiders on me, but i wasnt going to come home with only 3gray little shitballs.
we got up to about 14 and a half dead one. They were actually the scary jurrasic kind that are flatter, not like the round cute ones. The solution to less rollie pollies? smaller jar! see, shes so happy with her jar of bugs!