Players gonna play

I got a job last month off Craigslist at a place on the end of Pier 39 called Players. This place... oh ho hoo wow, it really makes me wish I finished college or at least had a Swiss bank account or some shit. My patience, albiet much more tolerant than most, is thinner than the blade im about to start cutting my wrists with. Sometimes I'll get some hot Austrialians and that will be a big enough Pro to outweigh my list of Cons. Cons like

• Not speaking english AT ALL
• Not tipping AT ALL
• so many retards 
• screaming babies
• I have to make eye contact with Albinos and people with lazy eyes ( this could happen anywhere, but its way too often here)
• I have to roll silverware for an hour after my shift
• the commute is an hour ( at Charlies i left 5 minutes before work. nothing compares)
• everyones a royal cunt
• We cant drink at work

Pros:

• The view is nice
• MUNY MUNY
• the food is boss.
• I like to watch people watch seals and then make the noise obnoxiously behind them. 
• AUSTRALIANS!!!! 

The other day people stole stuffed animals out of this giant claw machine next to the carousel and my manager sent the pier into RED ALERT because a family of Puerto Ricans tried to sneak away with a Giant spongebob. Everyone loves drama.

             

  So my Grandpa passed away today.He was 75. He made it 3/4 of a century. Thats impressive for a guy who had been smoking a pack since he was 13.! I feel kind of bizarre blogging about something so sensitive, but death isn't that big of a deal after all, it's just the first time I've been close to it.  As you get older the grandparents start to fade and then the next generation, then the next until you become old and miserable and take your last breath and people will say what a beautiful soul you once were. I've been getting calls from people who knew him and the support people have given to the family is something I'm in awe of. Its neat seeing that strangers became fond of his grumpy ass as much as I had. That crooked smile you couldn't help but flash a bigger one back, damn pappy i wish i could sit and pretend to watch an old western with you and just quiz you on your life.

                My grandpa has always had the cough of death from smoking so heavily. My sister and I always talk about how whenever we visited we would play in his ashtray because he would stack the butts in a mini pyramid. If we weren't doing that we were counting his Wolf figurines ( last time when i was around 15 the number of wolf faces was in the mid 80's, then a gain he could have continued collecting). My dad called today to tell me the news and I had been waiting for it, but once you hear the words it does numb you like everyone says. Dad gave me a graphic visual of the last minute and breath that he could've left out just for my sanity. He had just watched a strong man disintegrate into a non coherent bag of bones with blank eyes, he seemed like his head was worn out. Earlier in the week, he was by my grandpas bed thinking he was asleep. Dad was crying and saying how much he loved butch and how he was a great father to him, you know, real sentimental shit. In the morning my grandpa woke up and said, "What were you ON last night boy?! tearing up? ya pussy!". Thats their relationship in a nutshell. When i saw them together it was combat of insults and prods, but then they'd laugh and call each other ass hats and thats just how it was.  but then again He cries every time he starts off about his "two beautiful daughters" and how lucky he is and then we lose it as well. He gets the sensitivity from his mothers side.

  I went to lay on the roof afterwards to look at the stars and have a good cry. I called Rachel and we shared some of his stories and tears. I guess in the later moments of his life Butch was starting to see the dead. He would fall and then say that a couple had pushed him down and then he'd point and say "see, they're laughing at me!" then started joking about how he'll be haunting us soon enough. My dads very paranoid about all the fuckery grandpa will try and pull on him...

             I'm so happy I got to get closest with him last year . Every Thursday he'd come into my work at Charlies around 9;30. I'd be sure to have his black coffee and ashtray out on the small patio corner the second i saw his truck pull up. He always had the steak and eggs medium rare and runny with beans and flour tortillas. Martine saw "papa" and threw his steak on the grill.

                I don't know if he really had an addiction to coffee or if he drank so much so it gave me an excuse to talk to him for a few minutes. He'd tell me stories of when he was a kid being born in PB. He said he used to make fake coins and use them to get into the movies until an article was written up on the front page about the counterfeits. Butch also made moonshine in his bathtub and was quite the basketball star.When he went to La Jolla high they had a blind teacher (explain this to me.) that they used to replace the chalk with cigarettes. They'd spend everyday at the beach and looked Brazilian. They had tourist days where they'd wear all their hawaiian shirts and act like goons all day.  One time he even fought of a house intrusion and i think he got a little stabbed? The worst part is i can't even ask him anymore. There are so many things I'm curious about.

Another regular at Charlies named Rodna was saying shed lived on missouri st her whole life. I asked her if shed ever known a "Butch Rhoades". She immediately put her hands up and started into a flashback of her at a Middle school dance, her in 6th and him a few older. She said how he made her swoon, and when she saw his back she said it was one of the first times she could remember "crushing". She had jumped right into the story i didn't have time to let it slip that he was my grandpa. She asked where he was now and that she had heard he had died. I said "no he's actually sitting on the other side of this glass window smoking" 6 inches away from her face. He made remember what a small town. He wasn't just  a regular somewhere, he was a regular everywhere, a beer  at every corner and a grunt to every bartender. His old watering hole was the silver Fox, where he met his 4th wife, Tami, a hotrod funny as hell waitress in a fireman's hat on an electric scooter. She killed herself with a shot gun in a shed about 4 years ago with an empty whiskey bottle and no note. The third wife was Karen, don't know much about her, the second, Diane, who died from cancer(or Karma) since she was the sister of the first, Carole, my grandma, the gentle high school sweetheart who had two kids Bret and Teresa. Grandpas favorite story he used to tell us was when he had recently married diane and they were working on the ranch shoveling horse shit. Teresa came up behind my dad and judo chopped him as hard as possible in-between his shoulder blades. Without a second thought dad turned and stabbed teresa's foot in the ground with his pitchfork. She still has the scars and they laugh about it every time were together. That story needed to be written down somewhere.

Death is the threat that pushes me to feel the need to accomplish. I'm BY NO MEANS a productive or goal oriented individual, but i swear i will not give up on seeing the most i can see and be the most ME i can be before my clock stops ticking. Most of all the means being happy, and enjoying myself in my next big move. Butch was never trying to impress anyone, he was just living.  I appreciate his self-sufficiency,  i just wish he knew how much we all loved him and would've  taken a little help when he needed it. Everyone was willing. His pride was strong, I don't think anyone would use the word "weak" in the same sentence as his name. The roughest, toughest california cowboy. I'm really missing you.

take some honey...

I The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea In a beautiful pea green boat, They took some honey, and plenty of money, Wrapped up in a five pound note. The Owl looked up to the stars above, And sang to a small guitar, ‘O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love, What a beautiful Pussy you are, You are, You are! What a beautiful Pussy you are!’ II Pussy said to the Owl, ‘You elegant fowl! How charmingly sweet you sing! O let us be married! too long we have tarried: But what shall we do for a ring?’ They sailed away, for a year and a day, To the land where the Bong-tree grows And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood With a ring at the end of his nose, His nose, His nose, With a ring at the end of his nose. III ‘Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling Your ring?’ Said the Piggy, ‘I will.’ So they took it away, and were married next day By the Turkey who lives on the hill. They dined on mince, and slices of quince, Which they ate with a runcible spoon; And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand, They danced by the light of the moon, The moon, The moon, They danced by the light of the moon.

thats a humdinger.

Urban Dictionary is the dirty girls ultimate guide to vocabulary. I visit on the regular just to keep up with what the nasty little fuckers on the streets are saying. most start out simple, the common mesh of two words. the word of the day: EX:FARTICLE.guess... The microscopic, airborne particles of fecal matter that are released by the anus during a fart. GROSS! I inhaled your farticles!

Then a "friend" and i were talking about that song Whistle. " is he saying he likes it when girls try to whistle while oral? so we try whistling with our mouths gaping. Then i remembered about giving "a hummer". I knew id heard that sometime before in a 60's game show repeat, the laugh track played ...but I DONT GET IT. as Oprah says, i had an "aha moment". As Oprah also says, "My vajay jays paininnnn." not relevant. A Hummer (UD Def.): More than a blowjob; it's when a girl actually hums (thus vibrating her lips) when her mouth has encased your engorged penis or balls. Your mom gives great hummers. So that brings on the question, what song would you hum with a dick in your mouth? a question id never thought i had to ask or answer. Karinas immediate answer: the Barney song Annelise: twinkle twinkle little star me: i believe in a thing called love. Think of all those long high notes! Im actually going to throw this HUMDINGER into casual conversations and see if i can find some authentic, no bull shit friends. I will NOT take "Ew" as an answer.

nightlights

Karina and i took to the city, as was our old sexy giant routine; to stand tall and strut. When you're walking with a 6'4 chick you tend to stand up a little straighter... We went to the Silver Clouds Karaoke Bar in the Marina and it was desolate, except for a large asian family eating dinner behind the stage. With no audience i had guts of gold and glory. We went up there no shame singing duets like "aint no mountain high enough" to her " ill always love you" by miss Houston which blew me away....After a cranked out my Cher impression "believe", i thought i had the pipes of a gilded cherub. I'm KILLING IT AT THIS KARAOKE SHIT! THROW ME ANOTHER! ......."my name is..." What?" slim shady. I'm ready, mean muggin and all and then the chorus goes and i realize i don't know the words at all and thought it was another song. I can feel ALL 7 people in the buildings eyes watching me giggle nervously and sweat until i can just get back to that fucking chorus "my name is WHAT?"lean,"WHO?" lean, "sick sick slim shaddddyyyyy". Alteast its over in3 minutes, then I'm singing "it wasn't me" Then i finish it with a grand finale of gang signs and fart on the mic. not really. I never saw the draw to sing old songs poorly in front of strangers, but it gives you such a thrill when you hit that note just like MIA in Lady Marmalade. shivahs down my spayne gurl.

Then the next night i went to Underdogs for $1 margaritas for 30 minutes and met Jenny my old roommate there. Ran into some girls from the dorms freshman year then went to get burgers at Barneys in the Castro. Then we stopped by Marengo where Jenny works and drank some "Foggy roses", whiskey muddled with strawberries, mint, and cucumber and garnished with a cherry soaked in brandy. Beautiful, but tasted like dirt. Then we went downstairs to Bar None where I bought a round of my poison.. TEQUILA!!!

Another night Ximena and i trekked to DNA Lounge for Mash up night. It was SICK!We walked in, realized we were not drunk enough to dance as hard as we wanted to so we did split a bottle of vodka in the alley. ready to go! Met a tall guy,had a great night. danced like its all I've ever been asked to do. All under the command of a red-dreaded tranny in a leather speedo. ahhh this city ;)

90s Night at HiFI Lounge was a hit. 90cent drinks for 90 minutes with the fashion and the music, if you could call it fashion...I feel like the most outstanding 90s things were the cartoons and the spice girls. So i just wore my concert tee circa '98 with some ripped blue jeans and sex hair. 90 cent drinks are a god send, but when you have a time limit its gets hysterical. We met karina at the silver cloud with her mom and sang MORE karaoke!

sang me sum mambo #5 with the girls in the real spirit of the 90s. Ximena was being a sneaky drunk skunk and kept running back to the kitchen, stealing crab dumplings from the fridge and then running back out again. like the college robin hood she brought back onions, tabasco, and handfuls of dumplings to the sloshed peasants. DUN DUH NUH! then we booked it for the bus and a long walk home. you know you've had a good night when you wake up with an onion in your pocket. said no one ever. UNTIL NOW.

San Francisco

mmkay mmmkay I'm back in the bay... can i get a HEY? today, today!So I've been here since September 2nd and Ive already had ultimate highs and lows. I realized i was going to be homesick but not to the point where the second i hear anyones voice from home my eyes let down the floodgates. Means i care i guess... The trip up to SF was a little cramped.

My mom, grandma and I drove to Pepperdine to watch Rachel play a 2 day Volleyball tournament. We stayed at my grandmas sisters house and she fed us like she wanted a blue ribbon at the county fair. Baked peach pancakes, chicken parmesan,home grown tomato balsamic salad, fresh ceviche... god dayum i should have left a tip! Eleanor (my grandma) is batshit crazy. We were talking about 50 shades of grey at the dinner table and she says "I'm a country girl, we didn't need to read books about sex, I've seen 50 shades of pigs! thats how i learned!",and then continued to talk about how shed help her dad castrate the pigs and they'd eat the balls. so if you ever came at me with the insult,"your grandma eats PIG BALLS!"... completely accurate, but get da fuck out ma face. The Pepperdine VS University of Arizona game was a nail biter. Pep won the first 2, U of A the next 2. Micaela was on the students side so i went to sit next to her.... bad idea. every time each made a block (at least 30 were made, that little brick wall:)

i stood up and screamed in my raspy ass voice"GET ER DONE!" or "KILL EM". the evil eyes i got did NOT go unnoticed. then some guy yelled at the team , "GO BACK TO ARIZONA" and i snarkishly replied, SHUT UP. then went back to the visitors side and watched them play their hearts out only to lose by 3. shit. Got to say good bye and got a very intimidating team poster. I love that girl to pieces, not like i could ever break that muscled model. Mom and i take the trip to SF just us two with everything I've ever loved in the back of that tin can golden love van with 10 CDs and a cooler of diet coke and apples. We start off slow and easy, a little Shania Twain through the 101, then some sheryl crow on santa monica blvd. because she's the essence of roadtrippin music. The 3rd CD i toss in the Rocky Horror soundtrack... Realized my moms fucking dope. We were singing every word, doing every accent AND I'm positive shed look identical to Dr.Frankenfurter if shed just get a corset and learn how to walk in pumps. Then maybe she can make me a boyfriend, in just 7 days!

We get to the house and its gorgeous! Located directly across from Golden Gate Park and a 5 minute stroll to Haight, well, its more than ideal and i thank my lucky stars(AKA sonya and Jessica) that I'm not in a shoebox on the outskirts of the city. tall roofs, dark wood trim, i got a window! awwwwwwwyeeaaaaaahhhh. after we moved everything in we ordered pizza,got groceries, and sat around until our eyelids gave up on us. My mom came in in the morning to say good bye and we had the usual cryfest as i watched her walk down the stairs and disappear until the next time. Sonyas work was having a BBQ at the park that afternoon so we baked a blackberry apple pie, cookies,fresh salsa, and a greek salad. We played beer bottle frisbee golf and stuffed our faces FAT. Then went home and took thanksgiving naps.THEN KARINA CAME BY! sexy giants reunited! she hitched a ride, sat on my roof and talked about love, then colored fuzzy posters, watched the Dictator, (id give it 2 thumbs Aladeen) then passed OUT. Magical! I wake up to an empty house. cool right? i get to dance around in my underwear while i unpack a little more complete bliss. Then I start to think who can i call to hang out? i felt like in PB there was always someone there, everyone has jobs and school ALL DAY. i went from having such a frequent buzz of people in the heat wave in SD, to below 60 and silence. Just something i need to get used to until i get a job. When Sonya gets back from work we go to ikea for pillows and meatballs. Then we go to ximenas house and laughed until it hurt. A bit of normalcy, made it feel like home again. :)