Wingardium Leviosaaaaa! part1ish

I'm sure i've mentioned before that i dont obsess over things that easily, Harry Potter is the ultimate exception. After a really long day i wait until im in bed and watch the first half of Harry potter and the sorcerers stone and mouthing all the words to myself is my lullaby. adorable if your 9, but now that im typing this out it sounds creepy and sad when youre 20. My sister had never read the books so i made her read the 7th and she is now a book fan as well as a movie fan. Being the over acheiver she is, she talked my mom into sending just us two to Orlando, Florida to go to THE WIZARDING WORLD OF HARRY POTTER! YES YES YES YES. this is more excited than i got when my mom put cinnamon and barbies in a shoe box and after a lot of blank stares and head scratching we figured out that bizarre ass clue meant we were going to the spice girls concert. We got to the airport and we were flying standby with the offchance of being first class so we looked fancy and fly in our pearls and dresses when we showed up to the Admirals Club where mom works. It took forever to get a flight but then because of that tricky bitch Mr.timezone made it like we were on the plane even longer and the flight home was like we traveled back in time. We get to Florida. things i think of when ariving:S club 7, Paper Towns, alligators,NASA and retirement homes. There is so much water there, we kept pointing at lakes yelling GATORS and other tourists were looking around everywhere for the nonexistent swamp lurkers. The weather was the worst. Imagine 20 fat Italian men heavy breathing on every inch of your skin. Sticky like the inside of Gods lungs. Just really uncomfortable. So it was a blessing when we got to our hotel room and it was glacial. That night we went to TGIfridays then had the night before jitters you get before christmas and the first day of school. In the morning we put on our matching Comicon harry potter shirts and got coffee then realized coffee was a bad choice when walking in 100 degree weather. when we got to the gate we chaffed our way to the back of the park and saw this... Out of all the things Ive seen in my life, nothing has made me feel like this. People saywhen theyre excited they feel their heart in their stomach,mine split in two and was beating through both halves of my body down into my toes. I was in euphoria and completely awestruck that when i walked in further i had the overwhelming feeling that i was going to cry because it was beyond perfection. Ollivanders was chillingly authentic. madrakes! We got a lot of compliments on our shirts and people asking if rachel and i were twins. I hadnt realized until half way through the day that most of the pictures cropped harrys face off the shirt, leaving just my dumb face and in very big print: UNDESIRABLE. We each bought a wand, rachel got Harrys and i got Rons. We walked around putting spells on eeeverything and everyone, one kid looked like he pooped a little after rachel yelled a full blown,"EXPELLIARMUS" at him. Dont be so fucking surprised, this is wizard country. The place was packed with Brits, making the ambience all the more AWESOME. One kid was whining about how the line was "sloooow-mooooving" and said mum a lot. Another man from Liverpool asked us where we were from and he replied "oh so you are the California girls like the pop song on the charts!". It started raining so we hurried into Hog's Head and drank butterbeer as we watched the storm outside and giant silver platters with feasts of turkey legs and a snorting animated hogs head behind the bartender. The scene was as picturesque as a wizard Norman Rockwell. The butterbeer was like butterscotch soda and then they put carmel foam on it so it looked beerish. that was tasty and then the slurpee version was interesting but it wast authentic enough for me. THATS OT THE WAY HARRY DRINKS IT! The pumpkin juice was ... well... reeeeally dissappointing. it was like pumpkin pie concentrate. Hogwarts Express Zonkos Honeydukes This was where the ABF originated. when people are trying to bend down and look at something and someone shuffles behind them and there is that 3 second moment where it looks like an accidental butt fuck. this is now part of our everyday vocabulary. ABF. classy Then we got into the castle. The wait for the ride in the castle was atleast 2 hours but once you got to the line inside the castle they gave you a lot of movie props to look at like the mirror of Erised, the defense against the dark Arts room,sorting hat, house points, and the talking pictures! and dumbledores study The ride was amazing because it was so new! that sounds dumb. Its because i had no idea what it was about or what to expect, it made it that much better! we wanted to go on again, but by the time we got out the line was even longer so there was an option where you could walk alongside the line just to go on a tour of the castle again. what we did next makes me wish i robbed banks more often. we were in a room where there were holograms of ron, hermione and harry talking to the crowd. I saw a hole in the crowd where a family wasnt paying attention and i took my chanceand rachels arm and did the most skillful cutsies of ALL TIME! like dane cook once said, once you do cuts, you never look past your perif again because the person you cut will realize there are different colors and shapes in front of them and im pretty sure after two hours in line you would notice 2 giant girls in matching shirts magically appeared, but this is a place of magic so i could have come up with a really clever joke, but nobody said anything and we were on the ride, hearts pounding, in about 3 minutes. YEEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! I forgot to mention that they had moaning murtle in the bathroom!It really was perfect. The only thing is i wish that maybe it could have been bigger. They could have added the Burrow or more things to do with the characters. The chocolate frogs were an absolute win tho. Heres a video i put together from the trip so you can see how weird we are WATCH ZE VIDEO! :)

Stealin watahmellllaaaaannnnns!

This has become the weirdest hobby ive ever held. Late nights when were driving around we like to drive by the grocery store grab a watermelon then jump in the car, laughing till we have wet faces. Ofcourse we can afford a watermelon, but the whole point is that no one would think to take a watermelon because...well who the fuck steals fruit for fun? SUCH A THRILLLLL. Then we bring them to friends who are having a bad day or just as a gift,our form of altruism. Too bad one was karate chopped in half and the other was thrown into my friends laptop at a party and smashed the screen. Karma melons?

Atleast they didnt plant cotton in the first ladys rose garden...

UPDATE: there is now a melon guard who stands outside everynight. i wonder what his job description is. Its fall now so that means we are going to have a lot of pumpkins for carving this Halloween!

ComicCon

Comic con awesome costume idea ! CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS… Until you buy mens underwear and put in on over your nude leotard and realize that you look like a naked man with paper nipples, so I decided that’s not the best look on me. Instead I made a pedo bear shirt that im more excited to wear because its like an inside joke for all /b/tards and then I feel part of that underground society. I cant decide how I feel about Comiccon. Theres so much shit and yet theres nothing at all. Rows of comic book venders I expected and a few posters and action figure places but that was it. I loved the artists alley with all the illustrators and their portfolios and seeing the stars was pretty neat too.Escpecially meeting Obama
Day 1: I took Annelise with me and we drank a little before so the whole experience was that much more overwhelming. We had to dig through crowds of geeks and you know if anna is in any crowd drunk there will be some asses pinched and some pointing at me like I did it. This is her way of trying to get me a boyfriend and it hasn’t been working for 7 years but its still her go to wing girl move. Touching strangers led to some awkward situations, for example the kid with the Chewbaccah backpack. We stroked his backpack for a good two minutes without him noticing then Annelise pinched his ass, whispered that I thought he was a sexy bitch and then we were followed around and questioned on our favorite action figures (my answer…… “uhhhh gumby?”).
Whatever he gave me his pacman lanyard
Day 2: Rachel and I met up with marlee ,casey, tyler and nik and then I realized that I had been doing this all wrong! We learned from the masters the inner workings of Comicon and how to get the free stuff and the best seats with ease. Stalking free ice cream trucks, free pizza from Cartoon network and color changing cups, and most importantly a secret way to sneak into Hall H, the major hall with the celebrity panels that other people have been waiting 6+ hours to get into while it took us oh about….7 minutes? UH_MAY_ZEEN! Not to mention getting to see Tom Felton,the free harry potter shirts and the never before seen deathly hallows clip. People waited overnight while it took us oh about….7 minutes? Let me name drop for a sec, Blake Lively, Christoph Waltz, Ryan Reynolds, Sigourney Weaver, Bill Hader, WILL FERRELL, eva mendes, mark Wahlberg, seth rogen, ali larter, chevy chase, steven moyer, cam gigandet, and joel McHale. “but Ashley, didn’t you also witness a piece of Comicon history live?” When we were waiting for a panel to empty out and find seats we walked past this guy being held in a head lock with blood on his face and a still scene. It was eerie as we all kind of stood there and a few voices would yell out POLICE! Or MEDIC!Marlee and I both questioned our morals when we considered taking pictures. An argument had broken out between two guys during the resident evil panel and for some reason a guy in a harry potter shirt stabbed the other guy in the eye with a pen!
You can imagine how fast the twitter verse was tweeting in this room of thousands of nerds. Casey was on it, informing the public on what was going on while the guy behind us tweeted that some guy took off a guys head with a samurai sword (that’s actually believable when youre here). After that fiasco we managed to get cutsies in a whole other building by asking for peoples reentry passes at the exit when they left so we could see the Community cast. Ive never really seen a real real nerd before I sat down next to the trekkie and he snorted and poked me after every quick witted thing said.then we went to the top of a hotel into a buisness room and laughed at people doing those giant qtip fights.
Day 3:
Took Ximena and met up with Jahvin. We saw Harry Potters invisibility cloak. This is my invisible face, isn’t it obvious?
I bought pickle earrings,saw will shatner and drew at the sharpie station. For my first year I was really excited, but now that ive gone I don’t know if I would again, I feel like im just taking up a space that could be filled by someone whose obsessed with comics and they didn’t get to go because I wanted some posters that id throw away the next day. I would go next year and just stand outside, the best part is the people watching.