I'm on a boat

you know who makes me happy? T-PAIN! I can be in a piss poor attitude and turn on "I’m in love with a stripper" and be put in complete ease. same goes for Ludacris and snoop. why this random mention of him? CUS I AM GOING TO A T-PAIN CONCERT TONIGHT holla shawty. my new roommate got free tickets and FREE is like magic to me. i hate those shit heads who say "nothing in life is free" BITCH, tpaaaaaain tickets are free!

bay to breakers this weekend was fun, but we half assed it and took the bus through Haight to watch the freak show. If your not from the bay (or pretending to be) Bay to Breakers is a run that goes across San Francisco that has both real Ethiopians and then drunk strangers in underwear and outrageous costumes and just walk the trail and meet each other. Too bad it started at 8 in the morning and we didn’t leave the house until 11 and missed the run. The night before I stayed up really late being a knot master and tying yarn and cat beanie babies together to make a cat bikini. It seemed like an ingenious costume until I put it on in the morning and showed my friends and the look of me put them into hysterics ( especially when I squeezed my right boob and the cat let out a robotic “MEOOOWWAWW”) Karina and I took the trolley car to the Wharf and since we were in the very back I took off my trench coat and this bus pulled up really close to us at a stop light, looked at me then covered his eyes at the sight of me stripping and me and Karina lost it! Then her hair got caught on a loose screw and she started screaming and I was still sitting there in my cat bra and this little boy is turning around in his seat with his mom in extreme horror and amusement as we try to collect ourselves and get dressed. Karina and I went on a boat ride around the bay. It was so cold. We were laughing the whole time and getting whipped by our hair and sprayed after we hit down hard on the waves. This Indian/Asian/badass fisherman named Harvey whose boat it was kept offering to take our picture for us and he would take about 12 every time and we couldn’t stop laughing because he was struggling to stand as the boat swayed, but he would not put down the camera and he would just start laughing too, it wasn’t till after all the pictures were taken did I remember that I still had whiskers on my face. Under the bridge, around Alcatraz, and around the wharf. When we were getting back in this little Mexican toddler came up, put his hand on my thigh and had a full conversation AT me in Spanish about los pescados y pajaros. We went to Museum Mechanique, took photo strips and asked grandmother for her predictions ( which were so spot on it was scury) This was the last time I got to see her before i left so it was nice that it was a wild and hilarious day.



We had a last hoorah at our house before we all move out. Things I learned: 1) I’m really good at "never have I ever" because I’m not a whore. 2) I hate people. 3) I love people. 4) when there’s a party at your house people will use your peanut butter and leave whole ritz crackers inside and it will confuse the shit out of you the next day.5) im kick ASS at beer pong.I’m not going to be modest anymore. I have gone pro with beer pong, cant you tell by my champions hat?
I won 6 games in a row. 6! And the last game I lost we had gone back and forth with about 3 rebuttals. If anyone wants a challenge, call me because I’m always ready to win. 6-1. Be impressed.

This kid is Caleb. This kid is awesome. I don’t know why I call him a kid because I think Calebs only a year younger, but he’s like a little kid who seems to be smiling and in wonder of everything. But just as he was drunkenly in awe of my Peewee Herman ring, I was doubly in awe last time when I saw him the first time and he was wearing dinosaur shoe laces. AMAZING.


Now that most of the good byes have been said and my bed is now at Ximena’s new place, I don’t know what to do with myself. Except now that my beds gone there’s room for SO MANY ACTIVITIES! I danced all yesterday because no one was home, then painted with Sarah. Now I just have to wait until my mom comes and then I have to do touristy things, eat pastries, pay for all my stuff and drive me places. HOW HORRIBLE haha very excited for that. And for tpain, and to be home already, jesus time is moving so slow!


Move the fuck over Aladdin, you are no longer the poster boy for beautiful cartoons because I just stumbled across the dashing Milo Thatch. Ehh? Yes.



Oh and I had a dream the other night of the kind of dog I want when I'm older...

So Weird

remember that show? Went to the So Weird Festival for more cosmic weirdness. San Francisco is so full of wild cards. I consider myself to be a little more out there than all/most of my friends until im surrounded by people in fur suits with sleeves for miles dancing like Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man. I thought when i left the house in my Daniel Boone hat i was being semi-weird. on the way to the fest we got strange looks and a conversation with a hobo if "ma tail was stanky" on my hat. There were a lot of crazy neat old people there. Like this lady dancing
and the guy who had strangers sign him

I had a mini test in my english class about a poem that i didnt remember to read. the teacher wrote "blue motorcycle" on the board and then asked us to describe it. having NO CLUE i just drew a little cartoon man on a blue harley waving. i got a zero but atleast the teacher wrote "NICE!" and appreciated my picture instead of a bull answer.

minor obsession with TLC and salt & pepa. Push it has been stuck in my head all day and i just want to break out in thrusting moves everywhere. I just downloaded a bunch of songs off all the 34 of the Now CDs. can you believe we were alive when those started? i even found some gems on the Austrailian Now CDS. My adventuring is going to be cut short along with my will power because next week is finals. Almost time for san diego...

Stranger Danger

Today was a people watching day from heaven. I had to wait at the bridge to meet sonya, but she was 2 hours late so i got to sit at Golden Gate and watch families awkwardly assembling their kids and forcing them to smile.the best pictures are when the mother forcefully grabs their kids shoulders and pulls them back so in the picture they look like they are in major pain, on the boundaries of crying, and punching their mom in the face. Since i was sitting on a bench in front of the perfect kodak area, i was able to take pictures of my favorite tourists...














I did a couple of comic sketches but this guy kept staring at them and me so i moved around and asked people if they needed pictures taken. papa-papa-razzi.

then I went to a fun little picnic with X and we ate piles of pasta salad and cheesecake and sang cat stevens in tunnels at the park. We went to this museum view area thingy to look at the city and take some pictures.out of the fucking BLUE this lady just yells at us "No flash!"ugh urks me.I should have yelled back "NO DYKES." but im too tactful. did i really need to be reprimanded? no one else was around us. We talked about what you would do if you werent limited to 3 magical wishes but you could have 20 and somewhere in the mix of my answers was that i wish i could pee standing up. im still trying to figure out why thats in my top 20. penis envy? annnyway, ximena made some decent wishes, like the power to be able to jump into books. thats an awesome choice because that doubles as time travel. i need to work on my wish list because the only other things i could think of were always being barefoot ( i guess you can technically do that but peopple think your a freak) and going to alaska, but those are possible, i need to be more imaginative. like i said, ill work on it.


ok going off track, i had a short, yet deep conversation with nuche that i dont understand why we dont eat zebras instead of cows? Why are there so many types of plants? it amazes me that with the same treatment, just having sun and water, each seed can turn into something completely different, beautiful, productive. You can make this into any kind of shitty metaphor you want about humans but i really just like the botany aspect. who decided weeds werent beautiful enough to live? carnations are ugly as shit, but they get put in vases. im going to start a movement and keep weeds in a vase in the kitchen. RESPECT THE UGLY. ooh bumper sticker? wait. bad idea. just respect dandelions.

You down with O.P.P?

yeah, you know me.




Ok you want to know what frightens me?



No, not black men... ok maybe a little, but im freaked out by people who stand in front at a church service and put their hands up like they can feel God. I'm watching Saved and i had a flashback of when people used to do that at youth groups and they all looked hypnotized. Religion is weird. im not going to rant because its a sensitive thing that i dont know too much about. but from the outside it doesnt make sense to believe in God and not aliens.

Everyone here is mad. I'm mad. You're mad. It's only by chance n' careful planning if you're not!

look at my Cheshiiiiirrre cat.



"Haste makes waste, so I rarely hurry. But if a ferret were about to dart up my dress, I'd run."

Different Strokes

Went over to Concord this weekend to see Karina and pretend we are amazons together (shes 6'4, yah, its impressive and yah she did eat her vegetables and NO she doesn't play basketball)Karinas mom calls her "I thought i heard a mans voice. do you have a boy in your room?" "oh no mom, its just Ashley." it's sad how regularly i hear this... We do a bit of chat roulette which is put to a drastic end after i try to do the thizzle dance for somebody and the second i put a look on my face like i smelled some piss i slid on her rug and fell on my ass. so that was the end of that. Her house is amazing! its like a cluster fuck of awesome. her moms an artist so there are a bunch of paintings everywhere and they travel all over the world so they have a bunch of foriegn chatchkes.



The next morning was awesome because i got to go with Karina to work.shes like a carni, her dad owns a jumpee company in the bay area and for $100 she FACEPAINTS! so this is basically the sickest gig ever.i mean its as pointless as professional pet photography but you get to go to little kid parties, paint, EAT, and laugh at all the controlling parents, especially the birthday boys dad who had eyebrows loaded with sunscreen. It was a mario themed party and karina said i could help paint faces if i wanted except i only knew a couple of characters, like mario.. and luigi,green mario. these kids start asking for yoshi and by their description i ended up drawing pickles with smiles and . i wish i took a picture of this little Arabian boy oh man. he asked to be Mario so i start painting his mustache and it looks like a Hitler strip and i start laughing uncontrollably and the kid looked worried. when i finished the mustache it looks too realistic. he looks like a full grown man with facial hair blowing bubbles. then they asked for gloves and i said because of all the wrinkles his hands looked like an albino rhino.

My favorite kid was a mulleted ginger with glasses who came up to us with a balloon tied to a pail and he just looks at me and karina and says "will you take this off for me? i like to free things!" so shes trying to untie it and he starts panicking and says "umm can you hurry UP?" then runs to the middle of the field and jumps up and down as he lets the balloon go. such an awesome kid. when we were done we stayed at the park and karina painted me a butterfly mask that i kept on all day. We hung out in her secret garden and boxed because for some reason she has a buff rubber dummy in her garage that is the type of guy that Nuche would drop her panties for...






Little kid parents are so obnoxious.like some of these kids would want a really interesting thing on their cheek and the mom would just stand there and go "are you sure honey? is that what you REAAALLY want? thats a little feminine. cant you pick something else?" its fucking temporary face paint and its THEIR choice. I think they know what they want and i think parents like that really mess up their kids confidence instead of letting them choose. Im lucky that my parents dont do that. well atleast my dad never did, unless its like " are you sure you want to be lighting that match so close to your face?" and, well, mom actually does that all the time but i learn to either ignore it, or turn it into a compliment. "are you suuuuure you want to wear THOSE shorts?" i take that as "because if you wear those shorts every boy it town will be drooling over those sexy legs and you'll cause car crashes with your beauty!" awwwww thanks mom!


Im sick. My voice isn’t even a voice but a series of popping noises. And it doesn’t help that every time I sneeze I plug my nose so now I have headaches because my brain is full of snot. I think its because we went down to the beach last night and got coffee and watched this band called "mellow dudes" and threw rose petals into the ocean. we almost got run over by the police on a quad telling us about all the rapes there have been on the beach we were at. AWESOME.

on an ending note about rape and scary places: when i say "dont go to mexico youll get jumped" and you DO go, and DO get jumped, i will laugh, especially because they tried to shank you with a spork. but im happy that your voice sounds like el diablo and you make every mexican in a 10 mile radius NOT want to rape, kill and fill your dead body with drug balloons. :)



MAKE GOOD CHOICES